Son of a noted tribe of itinerant carpet cleaners, Gordon spent his early years fostered to a small village on the Amazon where he was raised by Howler monkeys.

On graduation from the Ecuador School of Hills and Valleys with a degree in swamp draining, Gordon went to work for the national lab doing Something Secret.

At the urging of his wife (Meryl), he interrupted his career of time-card padding and web surfing to open Lakeside Bicycles. Where he can often be found today, staring blankly off into space and occasionally interfering with his employees.

Gordon's motto? "As a child, I never dreamed of ruling an empire of trained Ninja bicycle assassins"